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So based on your timeline - your BD was 5 months ago and you have been speaking to this woman for 4 months of it. Your problem isn't your lack of dating... your problem is you being uncomfortable with being alone.
IF you truly want to learn from your mistakes. IF you truly want to learn how to cope with heart break and failure. IF you truly want to grow in a way to not repeat behavior - you need to stop dating for now and learn to sit in your emotions. You need to not look comfort in the arms of someone else.
The cycle you mentioned is the one you created. If you want to break it - let this new girl go and be alone for awhile.
Wish I could like this 100 times. Valeska is correct. This is the exact unhealthy pattern embraced by many who walk out on their marriages and/or have affairs. My W went from having sex with me to AP #1 within weeks and after that ended, on to AP #2 within three months, tops. The key to happiness is not found externally, or with someone else. It's found within you.
I understand the temptation. I've had no romantic involvements with anyone for 14 months, and I anticipate that I won't even start looking for at least another year. Certainly not doing anything until after the D is final. Not only am I fine with it, I'm enjoying indulging my likes and interests very much. I don't have to worry about what W thinks of it.
Certainly you have some interests, hobbies, whatever, that you put aside during your marriage. Something you want to devote yourself to again. Or something new that you never started. Now is the time. Don't be addicted to female companionship. Be addicted to you and what you want for yourself.
