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Hey Misty. As suggested above, there are some differences between the two books; I've found them both useful. I wanted to echo what you've heard from D and Sun. The idea is that you do such good work on yourself that you re-establish confidence in yourself and other qualities that help you feel better about yourself. Simultaneously, others find you more desirable to be around.
Marital expert John Gottman has a good book called Making Love Last that includes a chapter on infidelity. You may be able to find it at your local library. You may have seen that MWD also has an entire book on healing from infidelity. It may be worth skimming both of these to determine if you can do what needs to be done to get past these affairs.
Nobody has the power to control you unless you give that power away. He made his choices. You made yours. I don't think we all recognize this "free will" enough. As D or Sun said, it just isn't a superpower that exists. Whenever I hear someone say "X made me do this/that" it drives me crazy because, in your situation, you would've had to literally help them have sex, in-person, for your H's statement to be true. He didn't like something you said or did and then chose (poorly and immaturely) to have a PA rather than talking with you, seeing a MC, or a better solution.
It sounds like some time apart, even if only mentally since you're still living together, would be best for both of you. He needs to see that his life isn't so great, including when you're absent from his; and then you can't be blamed for causing his unhappiness.
