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Dropping in on your thread to say that your composure and cool head are a great example for those of us who might be heading to where you are. I have heard for a long time that if you do the work you will develop the strength to rise above the fear and you have personified that P.
Sometimes I think if I were the guy I am becoming now 10 years ago none of this would be happening, but that's a silly thought. In a strange way I am grateful for this growth even if it does mean D and a new path.