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I do acknowledge that as her behavior became more out of control, I criticized and judged her for partying and that was interpreted as controlling.
I see you struggle a lot with what you consider to be controlling behavior. It is not unreasonable for a husband to not want his W and mother of 3 out partying to all hours of the night and sometimes not going home. Currently, I would never tolerate that behavior from a partner. What often gets lost here is for a relationship to be successful both people need to be willing to blow it up on occasion, argue it out and be prepared to walk if a compromise can't be reached. That takes a lot of strength and self-confidence. Most men here including myself 10 years ago can't bring themselves to establish these types of boundaries.