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I’d use less explaining and more just telling (and demonstrating, boundaries, enacting).
Something like:
I told him I was going to go to the gym in the morning. so he could have his special time with the kids in the morning without me distracting them or having to stay in my room. And that way I didn't have to try and squeeze my gym time in between dinner and bed time or miss it all together.
Remember his journey is still rather emotionally driven. His responses at times will be right out of left field. So, you do you.
H is like a teenager. He will test. He will push. He will rebel. Perfectly normal for a teenager, and quite infuriating too. However, when a 39 year old acts out in such a manner, it’s extra irksome.
Like a teen, a spouse will rebel and test, to see and ensure you are rock solid and stable. For an adolescent, they are ensuring their parent(s) is(are) strong and will always love them; giving them the support they need to leave the nest and find their way. For a growing up spouse it’s similar. They are ensuring the LBS’ stability and strength, and try to ascertain if they can be forgiven and accepted. Neither teen nor spouse fully realizes their path or need in their acting out. It’s just part of growing up.
In each case, adolescent or spouse, do not treat them like a child. Treat them as they deserve to be treated. Like an adult. With love and respect, while holding them accountable and enforcing boundaries for disrespectful behaviours.
