And (see D no “but”), I want to avoid escalating a nasty fight with her.
You need to drop this as a concern. Standing up for yourself and commanding respect will naturally cause her to lash out and be nasty. Remember, listen and validate, but if she gets disrespectful, shut it down and walk away.
"I refuse to be spoken to like this." Then walk away. Hang up. Go dark. Etc.
