Thanks Steve and Mr P and Kind.
Steve you are absolutely 100% right , never wait for them to snap out of it. There is no snapping back. The old person is long dead as is the old marriage. I am more curious who the new version of H is if and when he emerges, and first and foremost I pray it’s the amazing father he once was for those kids. This is a marathon. He will ( hopefully) work his way through this and come out a new person. I know only time will tell if that new person is one I still love and want to rebuild with or not but I am not putting my life on hold waiting for that. I do have faith that he can get himself through.
The old marriage and relationship is long dead. I don’t want that back anyway. I don’t want one filled with the lies and secrets and anger and blame and deceits. I want one full of honesty and trust and no secrets. Any chance H and I may have really needs to rebuild something new. However that’s not what he wants right now.
I agree MRP there is a lot of guilt and shame in his telling me to date. To be honest I don’t even think he means it, but is saying it to relieve his shame. Good luck to him if he thinks dating is going to miraculously make him happy for 5 minutes. He is reliving his youth of being 20 and likely wanting to sleep around and make up for lost time and feel like he is still wanted and still “has it’. It’s very sad as he is almost 50 and acting like an absolute goose but can’t see it. The maturity level in these people who are in this fog is hilariously ridiculous.
As for me I am good. Do I want to date? Not really not right now and to be honest it’s none of his business if I do or don’t. My focus is me, the kids, family and friends and filling my life with joy and happiness( one thing H does not have)