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Hi Mia, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry for your situation but I'm glad you're here to get help working through it. I think for most of us here we all find things in stories we read that we can relate to, all having gone through so much. I'm glad you've read the books and understand the detach and focus on you. But the thing that kept coming to mind as I'm reading above is your focus. It sounds like your focus is all on him and the outcome. I know the desperate feeling of wanting to 'fix it' or get our marriage back. But in the end often the worst thing we can do it keep our focus on the end result. We end up spending every day trying to measure our words too carefully and each interaction hoping to see results. It's not a healthy way to live. And in the long run it puts too much pressure on each of you.
I know letting go of that focus feels like giving up but it's usually the best route for both the short term and the long term as well. Focus on you and give yourself a chance to be happy no matter where things go from here.