Snowball I am so sorry you are going through this. It [censored]. It really does, and while you don’t want to believe it, it will get better. There are blue skies ahead out of this storm.
I just wanted to say you need to really dig deep and do the work now on you, and letting H go and spiral down his rabbit hole. You only control one thing in this world and that YOU. Right now H controls you too. Your every thought and feeling is around him, his actions, trying to make sense of something that even he doesn’t know what he feels or wants. You need to gain back your own control and let him go. It will be the only way that you don’t get emotionally drained and destroyed. And it’s the only way you have any chance of saving this. Believe me we have all been in your shoes so I speak honestly when I say I know exactly how it feels to let every thought and action be centred around H and his craziness. Find a way to help you detach and gain your own control again. It takes a lot of work but it’s worth it.

Now, you want your H back. Like we all do. Here is a little something someone told me which I
Love. Imagine being in a bar. At this bar there is a woman in the corner who is crying and yelling at her partner and clinging to him, getting angry with him etc, then there is a second woman in the middle of the dance floor smiling laughing having fun and having the absolute time of her life. You can bet your bottom dollar the single men are more interested in getting around the fun happy woman in the middle than the one that’s a crying begging mess. The fun carefree one is far more attractive far more appealing.The men would want to be around that-heck anyone would.
Start to find ways to be the girl on the dance floor, smiling, carefree and having the time of your life.
Because guarantee your MlC spouse isn’t having the time of his life right now( despite what we imagine them to be doing)