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Absolutely! Do not try to become someone you are not in attempt to woo W back, or attract someone new.
Dig into yourself. What makes you tick. Then consider those deeply held convictions and values. Do they work for you? Do they foster peace and joy and contentment? Are those tenets actually what you are after?
Most folks get a bit stagnated in work and marriage. Kids, work, spouse, etc. Life gets in a groove. Like a song on repeat. Stepping out of that well worn groove is a positive thing. A 180. For you.
Pick up an old hobby you set aside. Do some things you’ve wanted to do. Do some things you’ve been to scared or timid to do. Do some things that push your comfort zone. This is not stuff to go against your core self, nor go against your moral self.
Go out for diner to a nice restaurant, alone. Sit there, by yourself. Order, and enjoy, your meal.
Things like that. For years we spouses defined ourselves by our marriage and coupling. Husband and father. We further define ourselves by our occupation. Find you. Discover and define who b89 is.
Counterintuitively, finding your definition free from marriage, kids, work, etc, strengthens those very convictions you hold dear.
Of course, a lifetime of bias and prejudice has some ugly baggage too. Examine that as well.
Organize and categorize yourself. Strengthen that which serves. Craft that which you aspire to. And discard or alter that which does not serve.
In this manner, any changes you want are because of you. Those changes will have a much higher probability of becoming permanent because of a deep connection to self rather than some attempt or win affection. It’s more growth, than a complete makeover.
Yes, we all want someone to love us for who we are. First, you need to know who you are.
