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10 days ago, my wife told me "I don't know if I can do this anymore", packed some clothes and went to her parent's house.
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She is very social, I am an introvert. I admitted I should have made more effort to meet her in the middle. I was very adamant that I was willing to go to therapy, work on myself and our relationship. She said she wished she could believe me but wasn't sure she wanted to give me another chance. She ultimately kept saying she needed "time and space".
Now here's the thing. She has been hanging out more and more with a male friend over the last couple of months. I brought up to her that it made me uncomfortable but she reassured me that there was nothing to worry about. I think she's been having an emotional (hopefully) affair with the guy.
I want to get my wife back. I am devastated. I am mourning the loss of the person I once knew and have shared so many memories with. The past 10 days have undoubtedly been the hardest of my entire life. The emotional and physical stress this has taken on me is indescribable. I am a shell of the person I once was.
I am slowly realizing that I have been co-dependent on her emotionally. I am a very sensitive person and although most people couldn't tell, I have anxiety and confidence issues and she was my rock. I want to say that I have also been hers many many times. Losing my emotional support, my spouse, my partner overnight has been completely debilitating. We had always been extremely close, both physically and mentally, so the abrupt change has been a total shock.
Hello b89:
I am very sorry to read of your situation. I wanted to reply to you because of all the stories I have read here, yours is probably the closest to mine. There are almost eerie parallels, although my W has not moved out.
Like you, I am an introvert and my W is an extrovert. It never seemed to be a problem; we seemed to complement each other until she wanted to divorce, at which time my introversion became "rudeness" and "standoffishness."
The male friend is a red flag. As others have said, it is likely there will be an affair if there isn't one already. My W is in an affair (although I don't think she sees it that way; since she wants a divorce, she no doubt sees this as merely the next chapter in her life). My W was one of those who always said she hated cheaters and liars, yet here she is. She has been sloppy about covering up the affair, but she continues to act as if I know nothing.
I also feel there was an element of co-dependency in our relationship. She has long standing body image issues and was very overweight when we met, but I accepted her as she was. I feel as though she may have been afraid she wouldn't find someone else who would, so perhaps she latched onto me despite having some unstated reservations about how suitable I was for her. I had some insecurities of my own back then, and she made me feel good about myself so that may have been the "drug" I took from her.
I called her "my rock" too, just like you. Through major life changes (the deaths of my parents, the births of our children) she was the one constant.
You will indeed feel as though you don't recognize her. She will probably reveal many painful thoughts as time goes on. You need to prepare for that. A few years ago, I could do no wrong in my wife's eyes. I was kind, gentle, gracious, giving, a wonderful father, beautiful, and more. Now I am uncaring, narcissistic, secretive, and a lousy parent, to name only a few. This is known as rewriting history. Be ready for her to emphasize all your bad qualities, and even make a few up that you didn't know you had. She will do her best to convince herself that getting rid of you is in her best interest, and that she has not contributed to the current situation, only you.
You are already getting good advice. Paying attention to where you have gone wrong, and improving that, will only benefit your future. It is a struggle to let go of her; I know from experience how hard it is. But she is not controllable. She may light quite a few fires before she is done. You just need to stay out of the flames.
