Hi Buck,

Sad to hear you are experiencing these things. In my experience, you've found one of the best resources and communities to be part of for support. Until you pick up MWD's books, you can see a few of her talks and videos on YouTube. I believe the first two chapters of one book, and several related articles, are on the site and can be found in the welcome email above.

You may be right about her anti-depressants. Unfortunately, she is now not in a position to appreciate your advice, caring, and other efforts. This is why you'll see so many people recommending that you focus on self-care, detaching from her, and generally not pursuing. She's going to find any pursuit to be turned off. Nice gestures might leave her feeling guilty or ashamed. Or, she's getting all the benefits of a husband while not reciprocating as a wife (having one's cake and eating too or "cake eating" as you'll sometimes see in this forum).

It absolutely [censored]. Working at DBing, building up these skills, shifting your perspective...all these things gradually start to help it suck less if you put in the work to master them. Best of luck and we're all here to help.

Best,

MrP