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I have trouble sleeping more than a few hours (e.g. this morning I woke up after four hours with a churning mind and got out of bed). It occurred to me that I could sleep in the guest bedroom starting tonight if that helps.
I’d recommend staying in the master bedroom.
It’s very common for folks to have sleeping difficulty for a little while. There is a lot of stuff churning away which takes time to sort out, grieve, and accept. A different bed doesn’t change that.
Sleeping medication can help. However, I’d first explore exercise. Exercise has many benefits. One of the big one in these situations is sweating out one’s anger and feelings.
Anger is part of grief. You are grieving, you have experienced a great loss. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually acceptance. Note, these stages of grief are not linear, and one can and does cycle back and forth between them.
Doing something strenuous accomplishes lots of things: focus on you, get a life, letting go.
Go for a run, dig a garden, shovel snow, hit the punching bag, push-ups, and such. It turns our anger and feelings into physical activity. An excellent way to work through one’s feelings.
You can only control three things - you thoughts, your actions, and your reactions. If you notice, your feelings are not directly controllable. However, you can/do influence your emotions. Being active is directly controllable. And this will promote positive endorphins and boost your mood. Thus allowing you to sleep more soundly and for longer. And of course, it will tire you out too.
Do some good exercise, have a nice hot shower, then enjoy your comfortable master bed and sound slumber.
Go at it with that attitude. How one approaches something does affect one’s outcome. You are much more likely to have a better sleep when you do things to promote such.
Originally Posted by buck1
I haven't purchased or read Michele's book yet, but will ASAP since two of you mentioned it!
Glad to hear it.
Michele’s approach is pretty singular in the ocean of relationship advice. Divorce Busting is a rational logical thought out approach to marital strife. It’s a passion, a mission of her’s which shows in her writings.
For what’s it worth, MWD’s book starts out with having one clear their mind of those preconceived ideas of why one is in the situation they are in. A beginner’s mind, an open mind, is sought. Then one looks at things clearly and take actions accordingly.
Originally Posted by buck1
Yesterday was extremely stressful for me to the point where I felt like throwing up because I started suspecting she might already be cheating in some way. We've always shared our phone GPS location with each other. A couple days before BD she stopped sharing her location with me and our kids. She was tired of knowing that even her family could track her. She's been spending more solo time than usual away from the house so I calmly asked her directly if she already had someone she was interested in. She replied, "not really, I'll let you know if it gets to that". I'm not sure what "not really" means.
It is staggering how many folks have affairs. My wife did, and I’d have bet my life she’d never have done any of the things she did.
Focus on you.
W is going to do what she is going to do. You cannot control her.
Affairs, cheating, are band-aids, are mere symptoms of deeper issues within the cheater. The behaviour of a broken person. Realize, you did not break her, therefore you cannot fix her. This doesn’t mean she is having an affair. Nor is “not fixing” only pertinent to an affair. W, is emotionally hurt and somewhat broken, which is demonstrated in her distancing and listless behaviour. And she needs to look inside and fix herself.
As mentioned, she is projecting her ills upon you and the marriage of over 35 years. Such long term loyalty and love, sadly gets the brunt in these situations. It’s why R-talks are off the table for a while. You don’t want to enlarge the target she has painted on you. Simultaneously, you do not walk on eggshells or be all timid either. You live your life, love you life, and let W catch up to you.
