Originally Posted by KangaB
I woke up this morning having read what you both wrote. I also had more news because I snooped. Of course I couldn’t help it and all the bravado that I said in my posts obviously made God laugh and this is what came of it…

Beating yourself up is a normal response amongst the many you will have over the next few hours. Do not linger here. It will not be helpful to you long term.

Originally Posted by KangaB
H I know about all the contact you have been having with XW behind my back. I have known for a while. The reason why I was crying the other night and yesterday was because of it. I have tried to be strong and given my all in the last few months to you. Back in July, I knew. It’s why I was crying on and off while you were here one time and you kept asking me what was wrong and I said I would tell you some day. I knew it at both Family gatherings in June and August.

This has undermined our marriage for a long time. I know that there are times that you didn’t call to say goodnight but you were on the phone to XW. I know that you were not just hanging out with SS yesterday but on the phone to XW and you didn’t call back last night because you were on the phone to XW.

I am beyond devastated and heart broken!!! I so wanted to go on our honeymoon, but already there isn’t one because I am nothing to you and I can’t live in an open marriage anymore and to be shown deceit like this. It’s why you pushed me away on our first anniversary. It’s why you have tried to tell me the reasons why we shouldn’t go on our honeymoon.

I would never go behind your back with any other man and talk to them like you have with XW. What woman would make herself available to a married man like this? You would always know and have always known who I have contacted in my life. You even said to me on the phone about 6 weeks ago that you were watching a show about 2 seperate married people being friends outside of their marriages and how you couldn’t stand it, if I were doing it to you.

You had a dream 2 weeks ago, that you had an affair and how awful it was. Your contact with XW is in secret. It is a lot and it’s not appropriate and you would not like it.

You both have disrespected me and treated me like a fool. How can I trust? How can I stay strong when you are sneaking around—both of you as if our marriage doesn’t exist? Our marriage never had a chance.

I gave you my life, commitment for life, dedication through good and bad. I have read those vows over and over in the last few months trying to uphold my dignity and integrity in spite of this.

You will no longer call me, you will no longer come here. You both have what you want.

I know that you love me. And I keep asking myself why? You said you never liked her. You said you never loved her.

I love you and I want you to be happy with all my heart. I can’t be in this situation anymore. I told you I was not giving up on our marriage and I mean it.

Thank you so much for all the good times and I hope you find what you’ve been searching for outside of our marriage. I have learned so much knowing what has been going on and showing the best love that I have despite what you have both been doing.

There is only so much I can take.

Goodbye,

Kanga xoxoxoxo

Humans do not like to feel this kind of pain. This letter is an attempt to relieve that pain. Although it can be helpful - sending it will not achieve what you want. A tool instead is to create a grief journey. Write all above into that... daily if need be. It will help you process what you are going through.


Originally Posted by KangaB
Feeling pretty awful. Rang SIL and told her. I know I wasn’t meant to. None of this was supposed to happen, but it did and I didn’t even have to rewrite. It just came. I was ready and I didn’t want to face it. H has since turned it all on me and told me I’m over reacting. Told me it was all my fault.

You are spinning a little bit. And that too is a normal reaction. When I would spin - vets would tell me to take 48-72 hrs to calm down. This felt like a LIFETIME.. but usually helped prevent me from doing something I would regret (ie. writing a letter, calling SIL)

Originally Posted by KangaB
I hate both of them. XW was the last person he talked to last night, the most person he talked to yesterday and he didn’t even say goodnight to me. He’s gone.

Snooping creates a false calm to the anxiety you are feeling right now. If you stop - it is probable that you will feel even MORE anxious. That is going to come with any boundary you make or any attempt you do to take care of yourself when you H is in his fog.

But stay committed... you are worth it.