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Good Morning Patt


Well, they did. Granted, long ago they were set along this path.

Past trauma(s) from an authority figure caused hurts that got buried and remained unresolved for decades. Around midlife, events and situations occur which their immature emotional coping and capacity still cannot resolve. Old feelings, new feelings, all start swirling around within them. That emotional rising tide engulfs, drowns, and consumes them. And they run.

It’s not they like it, they are driven. They detest themselves and their life. Yet cannot accept nor look inward. Such is the magnitude of their torment, it is barely imaginable to us. With that, they blame and project upon those they love. Spouse, kids, family, pets, whatever and whomever gets in their way get mowed down.

Their crafted narrative flys counter to reality and life’s ample feedback. Yet they do not, and cannot, yield to or see such truth. They must, absolutely must, adhere to their narrative. And sadly, they even believe it.

In time, some will walk their path and find their way. Though glacially slow is their progress.


Big Red Stop Sign!

Reset your thinking and influencing upon yourself.

Believe nothing they say… Remember? H hates his life. Hates himself. And will project and lash out his inner hatred towards you and the world, or whatever gets in his way.

My XW’s words and behaviours had a demoralizing affect on me too. In my case, she was totally indifferent towards me. OM was her new love. She tossed aside me and the kids and her life, and ran to him. Not even so much as tossed aside, not even that much effort, she just left. Sure, walking away from a marriage is one thing. Walking away from her own children was on a whole other level.

A crisis is a horrible existence. Six years for my XW. Six years! And she is merely existing. From the views I get, her life is not all gold and rainbows. One can polish a turd until it shines, yet it is still a turd. She has missed out on graduations, convocations, Christmases, Birthdays, and so many family times and love.

I saw XW a few days ago. My best friend was out for a visit and he and I went grocery shopping. On our way to the store we saw a car parked next to the closed town office. Thought nothing of it. Got our supplies for our feast and headed back home. My usual going around the block route was busy - a rarity for my wee town - so I went around the other way. We got home, unpacked, and realized we had forgot the beans.

So, we headed back to town. On route, saw the same car, still parked by the closed building. Got our two cans of beans and headed back home. This time my usual route was clear, which takes me by the town office. Turning the corner by the office and it was XW’s car with her scrolling on her phone. She was siphoning free wifi from the closed office. At this point, I’ve seen her parked there for twenty minutes. No idea how long before she started or how long after she remained. BF’s immediate comment was how her behaviour just screams desperation.

According to the kids and XW’s own account, OM is not one for technology or the internet or things like that. In fact, he doesn’t even utilize contacts on his iPhone, he types in the number. Never mind surfing. He did have an old computer when she moved in, though not much else. Do they have internet? Wifi at home? I do suspect so. So why surf parked elsewhere than your comfy couch?

Over the years, I’ve stumbled upon XW utilizing wifi at different closed establishments. Sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes late at night. She’s not alone in that behaviour, as there are a few other folks who prop themselves against a building while doom scrolling their time away.


Yep. H will attack you to make himself feel better. As misguided as that is. And as short sided and ultimately failing as that is.

And yes, cruel and mean. And projection. His inner torment projected upon you. Know, his path and demons has little to nothing to do with you.

Do work through your emotions regarding this. Not try, do. And it’s not working through the comment, it’s working through why it triggers such emotions within you.

H knows you, knows what buttons to press, and knows how to hurt you. All perfectly normal by the way. We are full of self doubts with bomb drop and them running away from us. Although, in time you’ll realize they are trying to run from themselves.

My XW didn’t run half way across the globe, she merely went 1/2 mile south to my neighbour’s house. Distance matters not, we are still a world apart.


It takes time to transmute such poisonous words. Much like my W did, your H has that old access to your inner self. Years of living and loving together, you trust and believe him. And therefore accept as truth what he says. You need to find that you now: once trusted and believed him. Past tense, no longer present tense. And that takes some time; goes along with sorting out our deeply held convictions (sans spouse).

Realize, H is not powerful enough to shatter you. Although he can trigger it.

My life was built with W. Her betrayal exploded the very foundation of our life. It takes time to gather the pieces, look them over, and decide which to keep and which to discard. It’s surprising that the spouse size hole in our life is more illusionary than first appears. Such is grief. Such is the fleeting nature of feelings.

One’s discovers their foundation is more solid than they realize. We repair. Kintsugi. A cherished vessel whose pieces are bonded with gold. Version 2.0 is beautiful and elegant and more refined.


It is unlikely anything positive would come from unleashing upon H.

An incredible strength and fortitude is awaking within you. Temper it with compassion, understanding, empathy, and forgiveness. Become, gild the repairs in gold, walk in the light, and shine.

D