Last Thursday, W said we should discuss our situation.
This is your hint to STFU and let her say whatever she wants whenever she wants. You stop what you are doing. You give her your full attention. You do not argue. You listen intently. You show that you understand how SHE FEELS about what she is talking about. (Emotional validation). Do not show any emotions (do not react emotionally)....all you want to do is understand HER STORY...even if it does not align with your story.
Get as many of these type of statements into your new behavior with her: Sounds like you are angry....I bet that must be hard to feel that way...I can see why you would feel that way...You look sad...that must have been difficult for you
and these: "I am not sure"..."I need time to process what you have said"...."I have not thought about that"..."I will let you know when I have decided"...."I have not made a decision yet"..."Thanks for sharing"...
Making positive changes to the way you interact is you goal. Your measuring stick is not how she responds, but rather "did I interact the way I wanted to, the way DBer's say I should"
Most things that work are counter-intuitive. Things you do that is habit or subconscious obviously got you into this. They will not get you out of this. That is why you have to question all of your beliefs and behaviors.
Going through this process is the best/worst thing that ever happened to me.
Ultimately this has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you and how you decided to change.
