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Hi K, sorry to see you here, we all know what you are going through because we all have been there, some are at the beginning of this horrible journey and some are further along. The advice you get here is priceless, life saving even. Hang on to the rope. I get what you are saying about fearing the PA because for you that would mean the marriage is over. I do feel the very same way with my H. I can pretty much take it all, all except that. All I can say is, in order to survive this, detach, detach, detach, love her with your mind and not your heart. Easier said than done but once you get there and you focus on yourself instead life gets easier. MLC is like a raging tornado. We can't do anything while it's doing it's thing but hunker down and ride it out. And when the storm clears we can start assessing the damage and rebuild. Hang in there...
