Hi all,

I hope you are all healthy, my heart is always with everyone in this board.

I have not been posting actively but was instead in the background reading golden nuggets from old veterans and the new compilation by R2C (thanks for the work!). I have re-read my entire thread over again and I have read Sandi's original thread, how lucky I was to have her take interest in my sitch. Reading that some young men were taking her first drops of advice as too aggressive made me smile, it reminded me of the day she told me she hoped her posts wouldn't make me leave the forum and all I could think was, your advice is the best thing that could happen to me now. I imagine you have not heard from her, I miss her, I wish I could hug her and thank her in person.

I remain focused on my children, my PIES and building a new life for Pack. I have improved all my PRs in crossfit, I joined a competition in 3 weeks and I am preparing a second marathon. I am working on prioritizing the relationship with friends and relatives that allow me to grow emotionally and I still have that voice in my head helping me validate feelings and active listening on any chance I have. I am reading "Models" again and I just bought "The rational male". I have identified that I am strong in conversation and lifestyle when it comes to attracting high value women, but I need to work on approaching more and accepting rejection as a way to increase the number of women I am exposed to in my life. I also continue practicing my sexual kung-fu.

I have thought a lot about the last advice I got from you all on becoming the man for my kids, a presence so shining that all other models fade in comparison. I can tell they love spending time with me, they are excited about the new house and I am now planning a trip to disneyland paris with them and my sister. This summer I made sure they both took swimming lessons, it truly helped them get better. I am now in my summer break, I spend days with S9 on the padel surf board and yesterday I took him to the gokarts again. I had such a blast, when I am driving is like all else fades away, I am 100% focused on every braking point, every corner, the adrenaline of overtaking someone who is fast, feeling the car move...I have to work on my career and start a business so that I can go racing as a hobby, simple as that. I had a chat with S9 on bed last night, I asked him how he feels about shared custody and he told me he is tired of changing homes and carrying bags. I told him it was only a stage and that it will also be over and I told him all I care about right now is his happiness.

I go on dates occasionally, I can tell all my hard work and learning is paying back, I've had multiple women show strong interest on getting to know me better, even after I open up about the sitch with the kids. I just havent found that person that makes click in my brain at intellectual, emotional and physical level. She is out there somewhere, I just have to keep improving and be more opened to meeting women in places where I am likely to find that incredible person. I cannot wait to continue learning on the dynamics of R and how attraction works.

Some weeks ago I offered exW to have a longer visit with the kids because they had had swimming lessons, she stated she wanted to drop them early so that they would not go to bed late. I replied they were on holidays and it was fine, and got a feeling she had plans. When I picked them up, some random guy was calling her to the phone. I took the kids and said goodbye. 1 or 2 years ago this would have triggered an emotional reaction on me. I felt sad, but I was careful to not express it out and went home thinking I was lucky to have more time with the kids and that I deserve a woman that never phantoms the idea of replacing me how she has. I am moving on slowly, but ALWAYS making progress.

This week will be the 4 year anniversary since BD, I struggle a lot with how much time I have needed to start moving forward on my own. Maybe this is something we never fully recover from, even if as an individual you grow and improve beyond what you could imagine. Here are some ideas I got from reading all the golden nuggets, to keep me going.

1. When you arrive here you are seeking change in your spouse. However the ugly truth is that you are the only person you can change and it takes two willing spouses to R. Thus, your best approach is to come here seeking your own change, saving yourself, as nobody is coming for you and you are not attractive when you hit rock bottom.

2. Finding the DB forum is a tool so powerful it comes with a piece of responsibility. Here you learn about growth books, parenting, boundaries, social proof, attractiveness, gender differences...if you are given all that information, you have the responsibility to use it to improve your life and therefore that of your children.

3. Someone posted on Sandi's thread "I don't care how big of a bump on a log your husband has become, you are his wife. You helped create what he is today." This hit me hard, I believe people can change, maybe many of the issues I see in W were driven by my behavior and vice-versa. Don't judge your S for he/she has become during this suffering time, in all likelihood you were also lacking as an individual by the time you had the b#lls to post here.

4. I have read a lot about forgiveness, the price you pay for it and how you must move on with it. I don't think I could forgive exW for all her despise, accusations, infidelity and the havoc she caused in what I called our family life. I don't say this from a vengeful perspective, it is just a boundary I have to set and stick to. I remember reading how weak a man can look if you set a boundary and let it be stepped on over and over. Time to put Pack first, I will find someone who admires and respects the man I have become.

5. This is how I should have reacted when I was talking about fighting for my M, thinking whether to keep or not my ring on, praying for the chance to communicate with exW about our M and yet knowing there was OM1.
"well, sorry it's come to this, I wish you every happiness, it's been a great so many number of years, give my best to OM, but I'm outta here, like NOW!"

My PIES, guiding me everyday!

P - Improve my PRs in crossfit. Marathon under 3ยด30". Gain 5 Kg in muscle weight, keep my wardrobe fresh. Chin up and chest out, I should be proud of the new man I have become. Practice my sexual kung fu.
I - Start a company or build a career that allows me to go racing as a hobby. Improve my driving and riding skills. Learn about men and women.
E - Improve my active listen, show empathy, stay humble and work on improving myself as a man and father. Approach more women and start conversations. Take rejection as a positive filter. DETACH and enjoy being single in all that is means. DO NOT CHASE ANY WOMAN
S - Talk to God and be a role model for my kids. Keep growing, keep improving as a man.

Thank you all, sorry it took so long to post again, I see no changes in my sitch and think others could better use the time of our veterans.