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Just popped into this forum to say hello to DnJ and will write a far too short piece of advice --
I don't understand your therapist's response -- it doesn't really serve you to try to convince yourself he is not having an affair, and it also really has nothing to do with the work ahead of you. I'd say it's pretty much 100% that all these MLCers are having an affair at one point or another, if not now, then later, but the gummies are not generally taken by celibate men. But your goal is to be able to say, "That's his story, not mine." It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!
If he is having an affair, it doesn't change anything. If he isn't having an affair, it doesn't change anything.
You are looking at everything he is doing and analyzing everything and trying to find the "truth." His truth is not relevant to you, and if you start trying to figure it out or convince him to think something else, you will never succeed and you will never heal.
The only truth is that you have a long road ahead of you. He might cheat and come back. He might not cheat and not come back. He might do any combination of those things. But what is certain is that he is not going to be good to you for a really long time and there is nothing you can do about that but build a life for yourself that has nothing to do with him.
If he finishes being an absolute arse and you still have room for him, you can restore then. If he doesn't ever come out of it, you have already built a life and will be peaceful and even joyful already.
I would say (and I say this very lovingly and sympathetically) to stop making lists of what he is or isn't doing, saying, thinking, feeling. When you want to, force yourself to go for a walk, bake a pie, watch a movie, help a neighbor, watch permaculture videos, sew something, etc. And then start making lists of all the things YOU want to do now and next year and before you die. And start doing them. BE BUSY not so he notices but until you don't notice what he is doing but only how beautiful the world is.
