I’m so sorry to hear this teteme. I know the feeling of wanting to see H but also dreading it too💔
I always give myself a bit of a pep talk now. “It’s not me” “im not to blame” “I am 100% me”
The mlc seem to be very broken in my eyes. While I haven’t been married as long as you (it was my 17th anniversary a few weeks ago) it hurts to hear those words. I too have gotten “ I can’t see myself sleeping next to you” “ I can’t see myself holidaying with you”. Honestly it $ucks. This one normal person who only 15 months ago had an amazing vacation with me and couldn’t stop saying how awesome it was, now flipping the narrative. I think it’s best we ignore this. I keep saying an alien stole my H. I’ve even renamed him to an alien name now 😂

I know the feeling of the anniversary. It was a super painful day for me. Worse still H completely avoided all contact which was expected then told me the next day he had seen a lawyer. Well there was a bullet if I ever felt one. Yep me too, the man I planned to grow old with, to nurture and care for in old age just magically gone into thin air.

My only advice is one day at a time. I am still very early in this journey too. I just keep telling myself to be the lighthouse and honestly I am trying to make myself whole again without him. There’s no need for us to be pulled into their giant bubbling melting pots of issues with them. I let myself be dragged in far too long and life is far too short and precious