Feeling alot better the last day. I think especially after reading Kinds email was a little bit of an eye opener to my behaviour and action. (Really, Thankyou Kind). My emotions were turning me into a crazy one again it’s almost like a wake up call to how much I was overanalysing and overthinking things. I realised I am wasting ALOT of my daily energy just even thinking about things.
Had a really good chat to my Dad as well who I have so much respect for. It’s been my mum who has been my strength and who talks alot to me while I cried. Dad hasn’t said much of a bad word I think because he too went through depression a few years ago and can understand and sympathise maybe where H is at. Well yesterday he basically just said “enough already, he has ruined you for 7 months seesawing around and wasting your time and energy. Your only 41 years old you have your whole life ahead of you “ he also reminded me H is basically becoming a version of his own father which will not be a fun life to be around that’s for sure.
All sounds a bit cruel really but def helped me a lot.I do have so much love to give and fun to have in my life and feel like maybe H has been a big fat anchor for me lately.
Kids and I are in a pretty good routine now, they are happy, we are keeping busy. I am getting back to my gym this week too ( had surgery a few months ago so haven’t really been allowed to do much but walk)
H is away for work next week for two weeks. Will be a nice breather that’s for sure I think I want to try and use this time wisely for myself. I have felt exhausted with all the running around and juggling I’m doing with work and kids and home but I think alot of it is coming from me not sleeping great( mind racing). Finding alot of comfort reading on these forums at night. Read quite a lot on MLc, and re-read that lighthouse story again. I am trying to drill into my head Kinds words of being mysterious attractive with every interaction ( I guess he doesn’t want to see hurt destroyed me)
