Only 7 months ago this man was lying in this bed hugging me telling me he loves me and now we are here. I didn’t really go out of my way to interact much more after that. He is still full steam ahead saying he is working out financials before we sit and discuss things then proceed to lawyers. I know this man, I lived with him for 20 years I know him better than anyone even better than himself. I am not convinced he is 100% sure on this and is rather just going through the motions because he has said it he now needs to go through with it. He has been on a see saw for months giving me false hope he is coming out of it with spending time together touching affection, only now to slam the lawyer move on our anniversary. Goodness me I hate my friend “expectation”
I get this. Less than six months ago in my case. Yet here I am at the lawyer stage. I continue to hope for the best and plan for the worst. And by planning for the worst, I mean planning so that I am protected and taken care of in my future.
Went out to the park last evening, just to clear my head. I make sure to get out and do things as much as possible. When home I keep busy doing laundry, helping my son get ready for college, and spend some time down in my basement "man cave" working on cleaning out and organizing my stuff. Amazing what you can accumulate in 23 years. I could open a warehouse if I wanted to.
Originally Posted by Pattnee5
Anyway I am ok despite my absolute rubbish move this morning. Everyone ( and I mean everyone) around me keep telling me that the only way he will possibly get himself together or sorted is if I “kick him to the curb”. Everyone is telling me to tough love him but I am far too kind. It’s not even out of guilt or anything. I vowed for good and bad and this is the bad so why can’t I walk away.
Because you take that vow you made seriously. You promised not to walk away during the bad as well as the good, and you aren't. He is.
I feel the same, but I know that I can't change her mind by pleading or begging. Is it hard? Sure, it's hard, but right now, my main focus is on myself and our sons. She is walking her path and by all indications is plowing straight ahead to divorce with no looking back. Reason she gives: she's unhappy, she can't do this anymore, we've grown apart bla bla bla. Maybe once we're separated she will be smiling with joy every day; maybe she won't. Maybe she'll find another man and if he disappoints her, she will then conclude that there are no good men out there.
Or maybe she'll look in the mirror and ask her own hard questions. But that's her circus, not mine.
Your H is going to have to face the same reckoning sooner or later. He needs to understand that he can choose to be happy or not. He could be happy with you in his life; after all, he was not long ago. He will say he can't do it; what he really means is he won't do it. Too many people cling to that word "can't," and it holds them back from many things in life.
