Thank you DnJ. I really am taking your comments to heart. We've been in counseling since mid-March and I think in many ways, our counselor realizes he is in MLC and is trying to get him to take responsibility for many of his actions. I know he's not been especially happy with her that he's getting "hammered" for NOT taking ownership for his BS. She called him out on some of his stuff today, and the lightbulb went off in his head, I saw it, and think maybe he's getting a clue.

I think we had a break through today in counseling. We started out saying by we had a lovely lunch date last Saturday and how we were working together for our roof repair. And then for the next 35 minutes we complained about each other and talked about how C did this and I did that and it was back and forth and back and forth, years and years worth of complaints. I gave as good as I got I am ashamed to say because it's hard NOT to say something back when C brings up something so petty and something I thought was long forgiven because it was so much a NOTHING in the grand scheme of things.

Our counselor scolded us, telling us the only way we can heal our marriage is to stop bringing up the past--we've both been hurt by the other person FOR SURE--and start forgiving each other. She mentioned we seemed to have a nice time with each other and seemed to be working together for our house repair, why can't we work together for our marriage repair? She likened it to ripping the bandage off our hurt and injured marriage, ripping out the stitches, letting it get infected and expecting to heal. She said she used this analogy specifically because of C being a surgeon. She wants us to understand what forgiveness is and WORK ON IT to heal. She will have forgiveness handouts for us next time (she thought she had some in her desk and asked us to FORGIVE her--see what I did there--when she couldn't find them). C talked about "forgiving and remembering"--she said of course you'll remember but that doesn't mean you can't forgive. I mentioned hearing somewhere NOT forgiving someone is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die and also forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Anyway, it seemed like a real breakthrough. I vow I will no longer bring up the past in counseling--unless it's a good memory or something--even if he does.

The roofers will be here either next Thursday or the following Thursday--depending on when they can get the building permit and how soon the jobs ahead of us can be finished because it's raining like CRAZY here in Chicago--and C wants me to keep him informed. We plan another date next weekend. I really want to go to the Art Institute with him but if it's "just lunch" that is okay for now. Other than the roof repair, I will not be contacting C this week until we plan our date. I have to let him know what's happening because he has to make another deposit in our joint account to finish paying for the roof. Not contacting him this week, other than to remind him about the money for the roof, seemed to make a difference to a certain extent with his attitude toward me. I'd forgotten how quickly the 180 works on him!

I am trying to research some fall repertoire for my choir--and it's really hard because I'm having trouble concentrating--and some organizing of rooms because I've been distracted for months and piles of JUNK has accumulated. The organizing is just the ticket--mindless stuff and I can see I've accomplished something at the end.

That's all for now. But when our counselor talked about FORGIVENESS, I had hope. I HAVE HOPE!