I hated handing over $200, but I think it was well worth it. Kudos to my W though, cause she had basically everything printed out and organized for the lawyer. My biggest concern is my son, and she said 50/50 is almost guaranteed. My other big concern was our debt. Our normal debt (credit cards, etc) would be split, but her $170,000 student loan would go with her. I wouldn't/shouldn't be responsible for any of it. She said since W makes more money, has a higher earning potential, and has more in her 401k than I do, the only one that could receive alimony or child support would be me if I wanted to pursue it (I don't), and I'd be entitled to the difference in our 401k's (about $6000). She also laughed when I told her about W tellign her lawyer about speeding the process along due to a 'lack of physical intimacy'. She said even if she files, the process will go as fast or as slow as I want.
I didn't pay the retainer fee yet, but if W continues with this I'm confident in this lady. She also said W's lawyer is very reasonable and likely wouldn't push to fight for much.
I’d suggest paying the retainer fee and asking your lawyer about being served and the legal process in your locale.
Having legal representation from early on can prove very beneficial if things take unforeseen turns. And it is less stressful upon you, as you have a lawyer looking after the details, paperwork, filing, deadlines, and such (oh, there is so much to disentangle when dissolving a marriage). With that looked after, you just provide certain decisions when those times come along.
From my layman’s understanding, and my experiences, being served means W has actually filed the divorce petition before the courts. You are being served notice of needing to respond. Yes, the details of the proposal would be provided, and there is a deadline to it. A timeframe is which you need to reply back to the courts. If you agree with said proposal, you sign and the courts look it over, and likely approve it. If you do not agree, you can counter propose. Of course, this being before the courts limits how long and how many back and forth you and she can make; the court has lots to do and is there to make judgements, not waste time.
Being presented (not served) a proposal from W, or her lawyer, is much more in the realm of negotiating. Basically, usually, her lawyer would send your lawyer a signed proposal of the splitting up of all martial assets. Proposals/splitting/waving of titles, deeds, loans, accounts, investments, vehicles, custody, pensions, homesteader rights, and on and on. Like I previously said, lots to disentangle. (My divorce was really straightforward, and it still accumulated to around 50 pages.)
If W’s proposal is acceptable, you sign, and you have a binding separation agreement. Note, in some locales there is not a legal separation or a one year cool down before divorce, it is just straight to divorced. In this case, this still allows for back and forth negotiating, finding mutually agreement, before presenting to the courts.
If the proposal is not acceptable, your lawyer (with your decisions) makes some revisions, and forwards a signed by you proposal back to W’s lawyer. If she agrees, she signs, and the binding agreement is done.
This review and revision can continue as long as you two want. Each modifying the proposal. Ethical lawyers will coach you as to what is likely to just prolong things, while less than stellar lawyers will be more than happy to be confrontational while racking up billable hours. No point fighting and spending thousands over a toaster. (My lawyer’s upfront retainer/fee/cost was a flat fee for everything that would be needed to get a separation agreement outside of a courtroom. If we ended up in court, those hours would be charged above that.)
With a signed by both parties separation agreement, the lawyers also sign and swear they provided individual legal counsel, and you entered into this agreement of your own volition and free from coercion. The document is filed before the courts and you are separated.
There is a year long cool down period, in which if the partners live together for 90 days, the separation agreement automatically becomes null and void. Nothing legally has happened, after all you are still married during this time.
After the one year cool down period, then either party can file for divorce. Neither has to, and without filing you are legally married and separated. Some folks find this position fulfils certain religious requirements of their’s. However, when one files, it now truly goes before the courts and they rule upon it. If they agree with the separation, the divorce is granted and becomes legal, dissolving the marriage.
When I went through my separation and divorce, I had no idea what the process was. And I was pretty darn emotionally compromised too.
Divorce will likely be the biggest financial decision of your life. My advice is to hire a lawyer and offload the work horse portion of this business to one who actually does this stuff for a living.
