What works best is that which you can control - your thoughts, actions, and reactions. The two stated pathways are not mutually exclusive. One can stick to their values and principles, and let their spouse do whatever heavy lifting towards divorce that they feel they need to do.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I am trying to justify her actions myself to understand why this happened better.
I found rationalizing and understanding good things to pursue. Not so much justifying or demonizing their spouse’s actions, rather working to understand how and/or why they could do the things they do.
Detachment is no longer being uncontrollably dragged about by one’s spouse’s behaviour and words. Moving ourselves into a more rational realm helps alleviate the emotional responses and triggers and fears.
Understanding is a basis of empathy, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness. An interesting journey seeking intellectual understanding while simultaneously emotionally letting go. In my view one should seek both of these while also figuring out their convictions. That is a lot on one’s plate, and it takes a while to sort it out. One has to go slow. For you can only eat the elephant one bite at a time.
