Just when I thought I was done....

Y'all drag me back...

As anyone that's been here for a while knows....I've been here a long time. Possibly too long.

I was gone for a while, and found myself back, looking for someone that I lost.

Yet, along the way, I realized that I was losing "me" too.

Lost in the daily readings of posters, the drama, the pain of the newer people, the trying to remember what worked for me when I was first here.

This site is a "safe" haven for many of the long time posters. Everyone that has been drug through the mud will eventually gravitate back when they feel the pull, or have a situation in their life that they need to refresh themselves. Getting back to basic DB101 often involves a stroll down misery lane..

And I also have said how much this place has changed, and isn't the same as it was then. There seems to be a lack of Empathy, and seemingly only one route that a poster should take in their plight.

What is often forgotten, and seemingly been a topic of contention lately is....."Do what works"

For me, what is lacking is the ability to "see" the situation for what it is. When that happens, the advice tends to be "cookie cutter" and the individualism is removed. The advice leans toward trying to get the poster to "fit" within a system instead of the system being flexible, and adapting to each poster as a person.

Within that, what is removed is, "do what works"....

I was involved with the recently banned poster's last post. I KNOW what it said, and while I may not have agreed with it, what was lost from it's removal and subsequent banning of the poster was a discussion that COULD have been a learning experience for anyone lurking, or even possibly posting. That has always been the beauty of this safe place. A place where there could be differences of opinion, and still work through them, and find a workable balance ...FROM THIS DAY FORWARD. I grew more from the conflict, than I ever did through peace.....

Which is exactly the foundation that this site has , or supposedly has, been built on...

How is that different from the relationship/marriage that has failed and we are looking for a better way ?

How is that different from a WAS ? When something happens, you just walk away from it ??

Seems the textbook definition of hypocrisy to me....

And when/if/not likely gonna happen someone can explain that to me ? Then this site will once again make sense.

And please don't waste time telling me that the site has the right to ban/limit/censor anything that deemed necessary. Working through conflict is the premise that this site has always worked toward. And if we -as people supposedly bettering ourselves- cannot complete that task ? WHY are we here professing how much we have learned in our process ????

IRL, we cannot simply "ban" away our conflicts....life doesn't work that way....


Cadet, you said that you get back what you give, and in most instances you are correct. You and me brother, we've given a LOT, yet I have also gotten back a LOT.

So where is that line that we draw between losing our safe haven, and letting it all go ???

You and me talking here, not a "mod to a poster".....

I understand B-lady's frustration of having her safe haven changed. I would imagine that it's stemming from a place of easier control. 3 sub-forums are easier to "police" than the current number. I also feel that it is in some way the administrator is out of touch with what actually happens here, and it is a necessary "evil" because it is mentioned in the DB/DR books, that such a place exists.




So Cadet.....

My question is the same as B-lady's on the level of...

What happens to the archives, and the years of pain and really good threads during this transformation ??

Will they still exist ??

Will they be accessible for reference material ??

If not, then this site and it's formerly wonderful history has been lost....

And I sincerely hope that isn't the case....







Newer posters, take the time to go back and read the archives....



Starsky309 / puppydogtails

Coach

Forrestgump

MrBond

Sandi

Jack_3_Beans

Bworl

Ericmsant

Truegritter

Lostforwords

Cat04

AmyC


Those will/can serve you well.....





If this should be my last post, I wish you all well....