Catching up on your thread now. Sorry you're going through this, but it's a great group of people that have a lot of good advice that will help you over time. Taking the advice is hard, especially at first, but I believe the quicker you are able to apply the advice, the less you'll beat yourself up for not taking it. Learn from the mistakes of others.
So onto snooping...If I could do things over, I wouldn’t have done it. It drove me crazy at times, made it hard to sleep, and didn’t solve any of the problems I was trying to solve. One example - W caught me driving by her friend’s house one morning where she said she was spending the night. I was trying to get confirmation of whether she was there or with the suspected OM at the time. She just happened to be outside on the phone right as I drove by and I had no reason to be in that part of town. I owned up to it, but it created more problems and solved none. My W was in fear that I was always watching. Maybe some guilt created that fear, who knows, but I still didn’t trust her afterwards anyway and she still ended up sleeping with OM. I probably just picked the one weekend she wasn’t lying about where she was at.
I knew not to snoop, but at night when I couldn’t sleep was when it got to me. I’d recommend having a plan in place for when (not if) your head starts spinning in those situations. A place you can go, or an activity you can do, to help put your mind at ease. A shower, long drive, post on here, anything to keep from doing something you may regret.
