Separate from the OLD issue. I'm again giving thought to an annulment. I still find myself returning from time to time to the articles I've found online outlining what qualifies as an annulment in a Catholic marriage. I believe mine qualifies for a couple of reasons I won't go into here. That knowledge doesn't make me feel that our D was inevitable, but it does give me comfort when I think about how long we lasted as a couple, and gives me a lot to think about vis a vis any future relationships. I've talked to our parish priest (a long-time family friend who had a close relationship with my parents, Mom especially). His advice stands - don't rush to an annulment unless you meet someone you want to get serious about. I haven't met anyone, but know that the option is always there if I want it, from which I derive a lot of peace.

My main focus currently is threefold: moving, renting out my house and taking the best care I can of my dog, who has had some rough times in the middle of the night lately. We're in an end of life palliative care situation here, so quality is paramount in our minds as a family as we deal with this.

I recently shredded two years' worth of documents from the period in our marriage where my exh's thyroid was first diagnosed and out of control, and we ended up in marriage counseling. It was incredibly helpful for me to read in print what the real cashflow and expenditures were. Helped a lot with my acceptance. Helped to own my side of the street and to counter the gas-lighting that followed at BD 10 years later.

Tangentially, son and I had a conversation this morning about needs vs wants and comforts vs lack. He initiated it. He brought up his father, saying that exh needs comforts and luxuries more than most people. Son thinks it's because exh had so much lack and instability growing up, and because his parents did not meet exh's needs at crucial times.

Son also said he's really grateful to have had such a different childhood, one which was stable and as he puts it, charmed, because he doesn't "need" much to be happy. The kid's 23. Where'd he get so much insight? He's a blessing for sure. What I'm most happy about is that he's not angry, judging his dad, resentful, there's nothing negative here. He's merely stating facts as he sees them, and if anything has acceptance and compassion for what his dad went through as a child which made him into the person he is today.

Son is glad he's not someone who "needs" to fill himself up with outside luxuries. That ability to see the big picture is something I've worked hard to instill. So glad it found fertile ground. Making sure his needs were met, and that he learned the difference between wants and needs really early in life was also a parenting goal of mine. Sometimes we do get a parental "progress report" when we least expect it. Really grateful today for a lot.