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Kml in reading your posts over the years I've always had the impression that you were well and truly done and ready for your exh to go at the time of your D. I'm sure that made it much easier for you to date quickly. We all know that was not my experience.
Yes - I had about 6 years of DB, reconciliation, and then final departure. I worked through my stuff over that time and was ready to let go once he was gone because I realized there as nothing he could do that would ever win my trust back. But you've had a lot of time, don't you feel ready try dating now?
I'll liken it to something else I thought about recently. In September I had the opportunity to go horseback riding. I loved horses as a child and ode the old nags at the local stables when I could scrape together the money. As an adult, I've ridden maybe once every ten years.
The ride in September as fun, and I felt comfortable on the horse. But I realized that at my age, if I want to rides horses again, I better not wait another ten years! There's no guarantee that I could still do that in my mid-70's. I should find a stable locally and ride.
Today it dawned on me that the same applies to dating. I'm still not quite ready yet - but I better not wait too long before I date again, if I want to. There's not guarantee that intimacy will be as fun ten years from now as it is now. There's also no guarantee that I will find or attract anybody ten years from now (or even now, really, as I haven't tested the waters yet lol. )
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Originally Posted by bttrfly Although in all fairness, I have to say the most romantic date I've ever been on was with him on our 19th wedding anniversary. That is a cherished memory, untarnished by anything, including his most monstrous post BD behavior. A guy's gonna have to go far to beat that date. Wonder if his personality that leant to making such a romantic date led him to being a cheater, or if they're completely unrelated. Just a thought...
I had the same thought about this! My narcissistic ex could be good about the grand gestures - but it had less to do with me and more to do with him trying to create some perfect image in his mind. The bed strewn with plumeria blossoms in the Hawaiian beachfront room - yeah, that was him trying to create some image in his head. The really kind, thoughtful, caring things that other boyfriends have done for me - were not his forte. The foot massages, the telling me to sit down and rest while he'll cook dinner - those things are more meaningful and my ex never did those things.
