Maybe it's me, yet somewhere in the middle there is room for this...
What we've been telling you for the past few months, is that your path forward is for you and you alone.
You can't lead from behind (your kiddos), and you certainly can't drive a square peg in a round hole...
Right now, you feel in limbo, and the reason that you feel that way is YOUR choice.
I certainly do not condone what she is doing, although I also don't condone running out and filing for Divorce either.
And there is the balance my friend.....
I think the expectation of the day had you in a tailspin before you even started your day. Expectations being the killer of so many things in our life. I think that you were expecting things to go sideways, and maybe even worked toward that a bit.
Blaming her actions for your downfall, allows you to be a victim of her behavior rather than a leader of your spirit through turbulent times......
Which would you prefer to be ???
Either way, the thing that you feared the most yesterday came to fruition for you.
One phrase that I have found to be true, is that it isn't what happens to you in your life that matters, it's how you handle it that make the difference.
You are pretty new to this stuff, and you will fall down and get back up. Sometimes that happens in the matter of a few minutes. And that's okay. You can't have too many highs or too many lows. Life will ebb and flow around you, and you can either choose to get on the ride or you don't. Your choice.
Find the Balance....
I also do not believe that DBing is simply a platform to teach you how to be Divorced, or certainly not how to push forward for it. At least it historically hasn't been that. I feel that DBing is about you finding your best self, and taking stock of yourself, and figuring out what you want your life to look like, free from the burden of a relationship. Becoming your best self regardless the outcome of your situation.
With DBing, IF you can accomplish those things, the best chance that you have to restore your marriage, is to find that from within, and live that everyday for you. Then you can live authentically with yourself. Also with DB, you know without a shadow of a doubt that you did everything in your power to save your marriage, and regardless the outcome, you will sleep well knowing that.
I have seen a lot of marriages fail , however I have seen a lot them work out too. Mostly what happens is, that once a marriage hits this site, it's too late to save. Most can only hope for something anew down the road.
The skills learned here should make you a better person for your next relationship, and that next one could very well be with your current spouse. anything down the road will have to be new though.
And rarely, if ever, will a WAS return to the same situation that they are walking away from now...Things will have to be different if that were to ever happen.
DW, like I said earlier, nothing that happened yesterday was new information to you. You know that she has been working toward this. You knew the strong potential for another guy, you know the level of disconnect that she has for the marriage.
And please don't feel like I am beating you down.....because you have my sincere empathy about this.
I want you to see that your thoughts are emotional right now. And I want you to see that you don't have to be either still married or freshly divorced to be the man you you want and need to be....
That your marital status doesn't define who you are as a person, a man, a Father, Friend, Son, whatever you want to insert there....
You can be anything that you want to be, and do not have to check any marital boxes for that to happen...
And there aren't any bells that you need to ring, because once you ring them, you can't un-ring them.
For now ???
F-her man....
Live your life for you and the kids....
If she wants to file ???
F-her...let her do the legwork...
IF she wants to intentionally hurt you ???
F-her man....that says more about her character than yours....
YOU are the rock right now...for yourself and the kids...
Don't get down and play on her level, because you will regret it if you do..
Most WAS want to totally destroy the LBS on the way out the door. I know my Ex did....
I always thought this though....
Divorce is public record...
What would I want my kids to read about if they were to ever search for that ??
What would they know about me if I drug her through the mud the same as she was doing to me ??
Your marriage should never define who you are....
And maybe that's the mistake that most of us have made that landed us here. That we allowed that to happen....
One last thing though...
When it come to the kids....
You need to F-ing communicate with her....regardless how pi$$ed you are at her, or how much of an a$$hat she is being....
YOU COMMUNICATE ABOUT THE KIDS.....REGARDLESS
They don't deserve any what's happening.
She will fail though, not always, yet she will fail until she moves further down the road. You won't always know when it's gonna happen....
However, you not communicating with her sets the pattern of NON-communication. And it will be too late before you know that.....
