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I wish I were going home to a house in which W would be somewhere else.
Unfortunately that is the sad reality of IHS. I remember the days of the dread when I pulled in the driveway.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I have a hard time conjuring up feelings of empathy towards W in light of what's going on.
That's ok Doug. You are entitled to your feelings.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I would certainly like to feed the compassion and kindness wolf but it's proving more difficult these days.
Until you lived in IHS eats easy to come up with clever euphemisms.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I'm trying to latch onto LH's oft-repeated line about "You won't always feel this way" but I imagine I may have to do the heavy lifting after W gets a better job unless it turns out she's somehow motivated to do it herself (heavy lifting = setting D in motion).
Maybe or maybe not. She may file tomorrow. I do promise you though you will not always feels this way.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I'm a little disappointed in myself for not being better at this point at "dropping the rope" but I feel like I'm being too lenient with this waywardness.
Dropping the rope in IHS is extremely difficult.
Originally Posted by Doug54
FWIW, I'm taking sex off the table.
Good for you! Not easy though.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I don't know if there's any point seeing that W has to traverse this landscape of MLC herself.
Yep it's her journey to take.
Originally Posted by Doug54
There's a little segment in DR from the chapter on infidelity called "When S/he Won't End the Affair." I certainly question why I'm putting up with it.
Yep. MWD talks about the last resort technique, after the last resort techniques, ultimatums and going dark. These are proactive, powerful things that show you are serious. They almost never get mentioned or implemented on the forums. The nature of a forum leads to lots of analysis about every conversation, text and facial expression in the relationship. The only real change you need to make it clear, solid, boundaries and being hard-core about what you want and need. People respond to that. Being an emotional chameleon, "trying" to be detached doesn't work. Set boundaries, set ultimatums. This is hard, but, it helps avoid all the back and forth. Does she want to be married to you or not? Thus far it doesn't sound like it. Act on that. If you want something else, state it. You can say, "If you want to work on this marriage, fine, if you don't, I have some decisions to make in the next few weeks." Strength and clarity are attractive.
