Last night was a bit harder for me than I thought it would be.
This stuff isn't easy. Stay strong.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
She did not reach out to me at all, except to talk to S6, which I need to remove all expectations.
Expectations and desire are the root of suffering.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
In a moment of weakness pulled up her text records on phone bill. Sure enough she has been texting back and forth with the OM.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
I did great on my NC today, and did not pull any records throughout the day, until right before bed. She texted him all day long again, hundreds of messages.
My ExW and OM1 figured out iMessaging didn't show up on phone bills as texts, like their hours of phone conversations did...but I had other ways they didn't know about.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
I am determined to not do this or check on her in anyway going forward. It messes with my serenity and does nothing for my situation.
I think that's true. However, in your case with the potentially bad stuff W and OM are mixed up in you should consult with L and document to the hilt in case custody becomes an issue. Not as much about an affair, which tends not to matter in a D these days, but the potential drug abuse bad dangerous behavoir...etc.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
I will be working on integrated man exercises, Al Anon 8th step and work today for my GAL.
Good!
Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
I also found out that her OM is a recovering H addict with only 9 months of sobriety.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
re: the OM with 9 months. Yeah, that's a recipe for happily ever after, NOT.
Yikes. That's surely destined to end well. You better protect yourself and your children. Document everything you can.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Is she someone right now with whom you'd want to build a new relationship?
Great question.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
You're ripping through the steps at a ferocious pace, but I wonder, are you really digging deep, especially the steps you're working on ... Do you honestly feel that you gave enough time to the real core of steps 6 & 7? It's more than a surface writing and working with a sponsor; it's a new way of life. It's not a race, like if you get through all 12 at breakneck speed your marriage will suddenly be intact and great again. Really look at your motives and your expectations.
Another great question. The goal isn't to say you're done with the steps; the goal is the self-improvement the steps bring. Are you truly meeting the intention of the steps?
FwdMvmnt - Your W is a bad actor. Multiple affairs, alcohol and potentially drug addictions, OM is a newly recovered H addict...etc. I'm all for saving marriages when possible - that's why I came here - but your situation has some MAJOR issues many others here don't face. You need to dig down and really consider what your goal is here, in the best interest of not only yourself but your children. I don't want to bring you down on Christmas. I say this out of love. Protect yourself and your kids. that's what matters now.
