Nothing of consequence to report. No R talks, we get along great, doing a decent job a gal, getting excited now that retirement day is getting closer. Some days she seems much more affectionate, others are more like she used to be. Not bad, just "normal". She has mentioned the future lately-summer vacation, next Christmas. Not reading too much into it, just taking note. She still initiates sex occasionally. To be honest, that doesn't really mean much because she was initiating when she was secretly talking to/seeing the om. It's more confusing than anything. She was very depressed last night. We were talking about getting a few more gifts for the kids and she got very emotional. Said Christmas is really getting to her. Started crying. I asked if there was something specific that was bothering her, she said no. I said I understood how this time of year would be hard for her and that in a few days it will be over. She cried a little more and then went to take a bath. No more talk about it. If I don't post again before then, Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for all the support.
I know that the temptation here is to think that it is a good thing she is emotional. However, in my own experience, depression and sadness is usually missing the OM, not that she is regretting what she was/is doing. It is very difficult to watch when you realize it isn't for you and the marriage that she is weepy for. In my first situation I misread my WW's depression as regret for what she had done. Then I found messages to her friends saying that she felt stuck, watched (because I was monitoring all of her compute activity), and that she greatly missed the OM. And that was just an EA, they had never met in person. In my most recent situation, about 3 weeks in she became really sad and depressed. This time I realized that it wasn't about me or the marriage or sadness for what she had caused. I even broke protocol and asked her what had happened with the OM (this time another EA with a guy that lived hundreds of miles away in another state!). She responded that he had decided to stay with his girlfriend which confirmed my suspicions as to why she was so sad.
And she might feel stuck. I know my WW in the most recent situation would talk about future things with me, and that alone would make her sad and depressed because it was born out of feeling stuck in the marriage, not because she wanted that future she was talking about. Again, it hurts to know that but that was my reality at the time.
