Thanks 19 & Don. If she wasn’t working with the om I could better deal with our state of limbo. I know part of this process is to detach and not worry about what she’s doing at work. Easier said than. After BD she came to me and said she was ending it with him to work on our marriage. Of course that was a lie. She came home when i gave her the ultimatum and said she wanted to work on our marriage. Another lie. Hard for me to now believe they are innocently working together and not up to something. She fooled me twice cause I didn’t know better than to believe her. Won’t get fooled again. I plan on sticking it out but unsure how long. There are still positive signs as it relates to me not pursuing or having R talks. She is aware things have changed, she is much more affectionate and somewhat pursues me. I obviously don’t think things are good, only slightly better. If she would take it upon herself to leave that job I would see that as a possible turning point. Not holding my breath.
Whenever speaks and/or texts, remember to not believe a WORD she says. This is why I don't like ultimatums. Because you cannot even believe half of what she does. Moving home and SAYING she wanted to work on the marriage was to appease the ultimatum. This is why ultimatums will either backfire (and then you are left either looking really weak, or taking an action you didn't want to take) or they will appease the ultimatum with no real desire to live up to the ultimatum. (This is for other posters that may read this, by the way.)
What usually ends up happening is that they appease the ultimatum. The LBS gives up on the ultimatum because they think they already "won", when they really didn't. Over time the ultimatum crumbles and the LBS looks weak again.
The fact that she thinks that keeping a job where OM works is okay is because she is still in wayward mode. Even if she doesn't reconnect with OM, she likely will be on the prowl for OM#2. A common behavior for WWs. So yes, do not think things are good, or slightly better. It is a cheeseless tunnel to think "If I can get her away from OM, everything will be great!" OM isn't our problem. A WW is.
