Thanks, SteveLW. Yep, I'm in IC. And trying to stay positive and to think about this as an opportunity. An unwanted one, but an opportunity nonetheless.
I'd appreciate any thoughts from the wise people here on what to do next, now that H has apparently given me the reins on the divorce. It's weird position to be in. I definitely prefer it to not being rushed and pressured, but now I am supposed to take the lead on a divorce I don't want?! My hunch is to do nothing while I sort out other aspects of my life, which will take at least another 2 months.
That said, I am wondering if this could be an opportunity to eventually set up mediation appointments that could in practice serve as discernment and quasi marriage counseling. I've been reading Nitty's threads and it seems that having a good mediator made a big difference in turning around her sitch.
I would not take the lead on the divorce. My advice would be to do as you say, nothing and sort out other aspects of your life. If it comes up again just firmly restate that you do not want the divorce, that you will not be helping with the divorce, but you will not stand in his way if that is what he wants.
WASs are notoriously lazy when it comes to D. I think there are a lot of reasons for that, but I certainly would not actively participate in a D that you do not want.
As far as Nitty's situation, hers is not yours. In my situation, my WAW went from dead set on D to wanting to save the marriage in a matter of weeks. I caution newbies that my situation was an anomaly and that they cannot look at my situation as hope that their will turn around in less than 4 months. I say the same for Nitty. First, good mediators are few and far between. Most want to get a D settlement mediated and move on. They have no incentive for the couple to stay together. Hoping mediation turns into discernment and quasi MC is not something you can put a lot of hope and faith in.
It doesn't mean that there is no hope in your situation as I believe all do. But do not take the lead on the D thinking you can use mediation to manipulate your WAS back to the marriage. That is a fraught expectation.
Focus on good DBing principles. That is your best way forward.
