It's not that I thought one dinner date, massage, and sex was going to fix the entire relationship but maybe for her to start to at least see/acknowledge the connection we had and tilt in the direction or tick the ball forward of wanting to be an active participant in the resolution department.
The issue with that is that often times it is mis-interpreted by the WAW, (WA-women in particular) that things leading to sex reinforces to them that all we cavemen want from them, and all of our gallant efforts eventually lead to just having sex. That we somehow only want them for their bodies and want to forget about them as a person.
Men need the physical aspect before we can engage in the emotional part of sex. Women are wired exactly the opposite of us, in that they need the emotional part of a relationship to have them crave the physical side of things. And I'm not saying that it isn't always that way, yet in a typical long term relationship, that has been my experience with it.
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
I really believe with counseling we could get back to the best place we've ever been with intimacy, communication, etc. But it's getting her to be a willing participant that we've had problems with. Without that, there isn't any point.
Something to keep in mind with that....
That is YOUR fix, and it may not be hers. She doesn't want or need you to fix this for her. And as long as she is feeling that you are trying to push it, she will rebel against it....
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
In counseling I hear my wife say things like, "In my head I've convinced myself I'm done" and so now I "feel done". It's almost like she's in a trance and playing chess against herself and loosing.
And it also pisses me off because I have texts from a month or two ago where she seems so unsure and says thinks like "I think just need time. It feels like too much all at once. Pressure, etc.".
So to now saying "I'm done" so casually, I don't see how she could have complete clarity in that decision that quickly. Which I know is probably because of the pressure and why the break is probably the best thing...but it it blows.
Most WAS's will go to great lengths to convince themselves that they did everything imaginable to "fix" the relationship before they can justify them walking away.
In reality, in their minds, they DID do everything that they knew how to do, and just like above, because it doesn't/didn't match what you thought it might look like doesn't make them incorrect.
You are going to find that there are 3 versions of the story. Your side, her side, and somewhere in the middle is where the true story is. And just because your side doesn't match her side, doesn't make her version any less true. It's true to her, and she is the only person that she is concerned with right now.
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
Yes, I see how quick she can flip. It was shocking actually going from thinking I would continue the positive momentum from our date and intimacy that night to immediately back to withdrawn.
Ahhh....the b!tch switch !!!
Wait until you see it flip in real time ....
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
One thing that really bothered me is the lack of acknowledgement on her side on how well our date together went. The chemistry and connection was undeniable yet she minimized it when we talked in counseling. She said, yeah those were great memories that we relived but it doesn't change how I'm feeling.
Yeah, our conversations were great but when a couple is in a good place, there is an aura of a connection and I felt like we had that. But she is too blind to see it with this convincing herself of "being done".
Like I said above....It went well according to your version of the truth...
You don't know how it went from her side....
It really could have been a...
Yep, he really went to great lengths just to get some a$$....
You're doing pretty good for it being so early in your situation, yet you need to learn to follow and trust the process....
Most of us posting are coming from the experiences that we've had ...
