W is buying matching Xmas outfits for this Friday. One of our traditions is to cut our Xmas tree and hang out all day decorating for Xmas on the day after Thanksgiving. It didn't seem right to stop doing that for several reasons all involving the kids, so we're continuing with it this year.
So odd how they live in two worlds. My ExW signed us up for family events with our friends well after BD, cooking Sunday dinner w/my parents, and doing yardwork and gardening the week before she moved out.
If you can handle it and want to keep the tradition with your kids than go for it, but in the more likely case you're lying to yourself and really playing along to keep the peace and hope the "normalness" of it wakes her up and fixes things you should steel your resolve that these type of things don't typically make a difference in the DB'ing. Not let something like this draw you in only to disappoint and hurt you. I guess I'm saying make sure you temper your expectations here. I may be with LH about being busy instead. You have to decide for yourself but I definitely look back at things I did to play along and have one last hike with the family as shortsighted now.
Originally Posted by DW17
I know W is using this to justify her actions.
Ding, ding, ding!
Originally Posted by DW17
She believes that we are separated right now and can do whatever we want.
She is MARRIED! I'm willing to bet you two didn't write a "...until we decide to separate" clause into the vows.
Originally Posted by DW17
If she honestly believes we are no longer together, does it still constitute infidelity?
Yes! See above. Don't allow yourself to buy into her major pile of BS.
Originally Posted by DW17
Today I took the day off to watch the World Cup game with D18 and some of her soccer team.
Same here! And well done. Making memories with your daughter. We had about 10 kids and their parents for pizza and the game. Disappointing result considering the US dominated the first half and had a late lead. Someone called it a draw that felt like a loss. We had fun though, especially the kids...so that's what mattered.
Originally Posted by DW17
I have IC later also.
Good. How'd it go?
Originally Posted by DW17
I doesn't feel right to ignore it since I told W when I would respond to them, but I'm not sure exactly how I plan to approach the situation.
Ok, Mr Nice Guy. I wouldn't lose too much sleep about something "not feeling right". She's cheating on you and divorcing you...do what's best for you.
Originally Posted by DW17
I think I will basically tell her what I've said previously. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and I still do not wish to D, but I won't stand in her way. If there are documents that she needs that she cannot access, I will provide those, but I will not be filling anything out for her.
Fewer words. You don't need to tell her all that. Actions > words.
Originally Posted by DW17
Another random side note, D18 was on W's laptop that she was guarding like Ft. Knox until a few days ago and my email was open on it. She doesn't have the password so I think it is either linked to me signing in somewhere else, or I didn't log out of the email app, which I don't think I even used on that computer. I'm not sure. The only thing I wouldn't have wanted her to see were some payment and general information forms the L sent last week in my junk mail. I'll change the password again and get a new email address for any future things like this, but I am curious if she saw it. She didn't say anything and I haven't said anything either.
You better go through every device and every account (email, banking, social media...etc.) and log all devices and change every password. She's divorcing you and this is a hostile negotiation now. You don't need to tell her it is...but you treat it as such.
As usual, BL42 is on the money with everything.
In my personal life, I tend to care what normal, trustworthy people think of me and my life. Their opinion matters to me. If someone in my life is a cheat and a liar, I spend zero of my headspace thinking about what I should do or say and how they might take it. Personally, I wouldn’t be spending any time with her. I definitely wouldn’t be wearing matchy matchy outfits for Christmas. Like, WTF? #spewemoji
You’re just teaching her it’s okay to treat you like crap. You’ll dress up like her little Christmas Elf twin, but meanwhile some other guy is probably going to be taking those clothes off her when she is at his house cheating on you.
What you’ve done for years (trying to keep her happy and not rocking the boat) HASN’T WORKED.
You know what you should do? Ignore her completely including any comments about matching outfits. Go buy some stylish, modern clothes like new chinos, a Ralph Lauren collared shirt and new dress shoes (not casual) and wear them with a great cologne. If she seems surprised or pissed and asks why you aren’t her little Christmas b*tch, don’t bite - just be super happy!
“Why won’t you wear my little b*tch costume I bought for you, it seems very rude.”
“I’m going out to meet friends later and want to look my best.”
