Love is a gift to be treasured and grow stronger throughout the years that you and your spouse and/or partner are together. However, when MLC hits your spouse/partner, he/she may set out on a journey of self-discovery which can lead them to try various things to ease their internal/emotional pain which can include attempting to destroy everything that has been good in their lives up to this point. They may even attempt to destroy you emotionally, mentally and financially, as they look to us as authority figures that they must rebel against. Whatever the reason, you will question yourself for quite a while as to what is going on with them and what role you think you played to start the ball rolling down the MLC hill. The ball was always there and something triggered it and it wasn't necessarily you. The person you once knew is now the mirror image of him/her, i.e., exact opposite and they will be that way for quite some time.

My journey was so long ago, but I remember how much pain I was in back in those days and I can relate to all of the wonderful posters who are here trying to make sense of what has happened to their lives. Trust me, you will survive and you will become a success story just like the other posters who have traveled the yellow brick road. A success story doesn't necessarily mean you got your spouse/partner back. It could mean that you have moved forward and created a new life for yourself, just as I did many years ago.

A brief synopsis of my xh’s MLC journey.

His stepfather and father passed away 7 months apart in 1998 which set him up for questioning himself, his life and what he thought he had missed out on. We had been married 25 years in 1999. In December of 1999, he walked out the door and never looked back. He became a very angry man/child who wanted to destroy everything that had been good in his life, including me financially. I did not see him again until June 2001 when he came to our home with two deputies to pick up so-called personal items. He looked awful. The next time I saw him was in the court house in June of 2002 for our divorce. He was quiet until January of 2005 when my bil was killed and then he began asking for things from my home and when I said no, the nasty anger came out to play once again. Again, he was quiet and the next time I had any communication with him was when his wife (affair partner) developed cancer and passed away in September of 2013. He had already begun moving on with his next partner and I am assuming that they are still together. No contact of any kind from him until…..

October 2022. I opened my primary email and secondary email boxes and there were emails from him. I do not have a clue what is going on with him and in the past, he usually asks for something by the second paragraph. This time, he didn’t, but I decided to ask him point blank what he wanted and his response was that he was sorry for bothering me.

I decided to share the latest communication that I received from my xh because there comes a time that they do think about what they have done. Some will reach out and apologize and others will attempt to sweep what has happened under the rug and not talk about it. Sometimes a relationship can be saved, and others can’t. Sometimes, they wake up between 2-7 years and others may take far longer. Sometimes they don’t wake up at all and continue in MLC for the rest of their lives.

Here is his email:

“Hi J,
In my healing process I have been reflecting on and about how I destroyed our marriage. I was very selfish when I walked out of your life. I have finally come to realize that and I apologize.

I am at a point in my life that I need to clear my mind of all my wrong doings.
I sincerely apologize and hope that you have had a wonderful life.

Peace
Xh “


As I stated above, love is a gift and MLC can destroy that precious gift. MLC destroyed our gift of love and marriage many, many years ago. Life is short. Live your life to the fullest and if he/she decides to reconnect and wants to come home, you ultimately will be the one to decide what is best for you and your family. Please do not sit around waiting on them to wake up. This is your journey too. To reclaim the person you once were, learn new hobbies, travel, meet new people and yes, even develop a new relationship. The future is yours for the taking...grab that gold ring and let go let God have him/her for a while.