Morning. Its hard, but thanks. I once made comment to try and think about all the negative to help realize its time to go forward. I have removed all items, pics etc that remind me of her in my home. Slow process...Funny how our brain works, as it process's negative stuff more efficiently, probably so you know not to do it again. But, you dont forget. Time, and good philosophy, advice. The advice on this forum is great. Reading through it taking time, and overwhelming too.
As we go through this, we have goals and expectations of what we think is going to happen. We have hope that everything will work out the way we want it. We anticipate the reconciliation that may happen one day , and hopefully, we do the WORK toward being a different person IF that were to happen....
What can also happen is that we can confuse what we call 'standing' , into just simply 'waiting' for something, anything to happen. Mostly, we 'wait' for our wayward spouse to wake up one morning and realize that they miss us and rekindle their undying devotion to us. And when that doesn't happen, it can affect us deeply. All of the pain and hurt that we feel after the bomb resurfaces. it is just as fresh, and new as the first day that we heard it...
Because we never expected this to happen...
We never pictured that their happiness could possibly come from someone other than us...
When that reality slaps us in the face, it F-ing hurts again.
What I can tell you is this.....
All of this has always been a reality, her dating, her being with someone new, her being happy with someone new. It's always been the desired outcome of hers....and what SHE has worked towards..
She didn't do any of this to intentionally hurt you or cause you pain.
She did this for herself.
And no matter how much it hurts, none of this is new information....
It's always been an option and on the table...
It's how you process it and deal with it that matters...
It is hard, yet not impossible...
Feel the pain and hurt and work toward a positive future for you. One where you evict all of that hurt, anger, and resentment. They won't serve you well in your future.
And stop looking toward her for your answers...she doesn't have them. You are the only one that does...
You'll get there..just keep going.
I told you the other day to find your balance between being friends, and being friendly...
