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It is all about HER feelings. She has to feel remorse and feel like she made a terrible mistake and that she has lost you. That is when the begging begins. Until then, you have not busted this divorce.
Originally Posted by PeterB
then she went off like a pressure cooker
Good. she is still emotionally invested in you.
Listening is good. If responses are needed then:
Originally Posted by PeterB
"you are fake"
"I am sorry you feel that way"
Originally Posted by PeterB
"you are dismissive"
"I understand you feel that way"
Originally Posted by PeterB
"you have not taken responsibility"
"I can see why you would think that"
Those are just simple examples that lets the other person know that they have been heard. You are not agreeing, but shows you are listening.
Originally Posted by PeterB
If she can keep her anger down
Be the rock and a safe place for her to vent her anger.
Originally Posted by PeterB
and nastiness down
Know the difference from disrespect and do not let treat you mad. Use your words and actions to set and enforce your personal boundaries. Her parents didn't teach her this. You can.
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One thing she keeps telling me is - 'I do not trust you at all'. Little does she know that the feeling is mutual.
A place to truth dart "reverse babble" her "I understand the lack of trust". One of Coaches tactics that helped get his wife back. I believe this may be used sparingly. The goal is to reduce her resentment. not fuel it.
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"you are just an option for me" in front of my son.
There are so many ways to respond to this. One of my mantras "The one who reacts emotionally first looses". I would flips this and use humor with a "Don't be so sure". Definitely with a twinkle in my eye.You are a man with options and you are vetting her.
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I had told her several times not to bring up this topic in front of my son but she repeatedly does it - basically no regard at all for what I said. I enforced my boundary and left the space.
Telling her how to behave is controlling behavior. Do more work in this area.
