I recently went on an outing with many friends from my past...some that I have not seen in over 5 years. I was a bit worried that the visit would feel awkward. That everyone would want to hear the scoop on what has happened to me (many of them are aware already through others). I worried that I would get passive-aggressive comments about my lack of staying in touch (which I was getting when in my MR and we started to do less with these folks). Some of them had also started to see what my XH was like before I did, so they started to not care for him much.
I went fearing all of this but just decided to be open and friendly and enjoy myself, regardless. And I had a wonderful time and everyone was lovely and supportive. And I also received a lot of comments about how well I looked, how I glowed with happiness, etc. So that felt good! Of course, many of them had not seen me while my health had nose-dived, weight gain, hair falling out, skin a mess...etc.
My XH has been reaching out over little things that are not important to reach out for. I responded to one thing as minimally as possible but the other one was not a question, so I didn't even respond. I know he took the OW to visit the family (as I saw it on social media from other relatives that I am connected with), which bothered me a bit (yes, I can admit that). Even though I mostly felt like "go ahead...I hope she feels awkward around your family that supports me and loves me". I did get some lovely texts from a few of them during this time...not mentioning her or that they were there, but just to check in with me and to let me know they love me and miss me. Which really was lovely. I'm sure they will be nice to her, but I do not think she will ever be fully accepted. But that is their circus to live with. The timing of his messages is just interesting...but expected I guess.
After all the moving and stress I've been under this year, I have really put in some extra time on self-care these last few weeks. I put off all the settling in and other stressors that I could. I've lost some weight (fasting and exercise) and I'm physically and emotionally feeling so much better. It's amazing how when you are buried in stress and physically exhausted, how hard it is to feel better. And also shows how critical extra time for self-care is! My training course is going decently well and a job I am interested in came up recently. I need to get my resume together to apply, which with all the moving, is a project that fell behind. A gal that used to work with me and my XH is part of the management team at this company, so I am not sure how much she knows about my situation with the D or what she thinks of XH. But I'm just going to be open and excited and just see what happens. All I can control is me. Right?
