I've always seen there to be a big difference between "love" and "in love" and I think this was a pretty commonly accepted dichotomy. I would say "I'm falling in love with you" or "I think I'm in love with you" or "I'm in love with you" in those early, romantic stages. (And I believe every person I said it to or said it to me shared this definition.) "I love you" has always been a much deeper emotion that does imply a certain level of commitment or forgiveness. As Chris Rock says, you can't really love someone till you've seen the crust of them. I remember back in the day with my girlfriends talking about this, and people feeling like you couldn't say "I love you" and mean it until you'd at least been on a vacation with someone and had some opportunities for each other to not be on their best behavior. You don't really know each other -- how can you love each other?
It seems to me that CW and K both said "I love you" when maybe in my book it would have been more like "I'm in love with you."
I couldn't give a flying F about K and whether or not CW stays with her, or if her financial irresponsibility is a legit red flag or not. (I will say I know ZERO disney princess women who think they should be rescued. ZERO.) I did not see anyone saying that he should stay with her, as others have said. Just that it is a d!ck move to say ILY then bail when the person exhibits some very similar problems that you yourself had a few months ago, and talk about her in such a dismissive way to all of us. That behavior doesn't mesh with how many of us define "love."
What I did see-- and what I think I've been trying to point out to CW for a long time-- is that he moves so quickly and sweeps these women off their feet. He has done this consistently, from the watermelon and feta salads and bubbly picnics on hikes to whale watching at sunset. Or whatever. Early ILUs are all in line with that. He comes off like a player. Someone above said he sets that hook hard so that he can soothe his anxious side and then it feels like if they don't keep his interest he moves on. (Just like my neighbor, who has now taken yet another woman to Europe (this time Paris) on a whirlwind trip, she totally fell for him, he's bored now and broke up with her because he just doesn't really feel it anymore.)
CW only likes the ones who are cruel to him and play hot and cold. i doubt we would have even heard about this situation if she was a drama queen and made him feel insufficient or insecure. My guess is that he would have seen the similarities between her situation and his own not so long ago and been over the moon that they had so much in common.
CW... I think you're such a great person in so many ways. I am so confused about why you won't really dig deep here or spend enough time uncoupled that you can actually stop these repeated dysfunctional patterns. You are so impatient to move on and find a partner but I am worried that you'll just keep repeating the same thing-- either you get swept up with someone terrible like the kebab lady or your ex, or you'll keep breaking the hearts of women who fall for you. (Or, maybe K is actually exactly like you and bored now too, so totally fine with what is happening.) And I do also worry that most women without some sort of issue will see right through you and pass you by if you don't seriously work on your attachment issues, since many of the things you've shared with us would be true dealbreakers for many women. I'm guessing it is hard to be truly empathetic to another person in similar circumstances when it is still too close for comfort for you, and maybe there are still things you haven't shared with us that you're dealing with around finances. IDK. But I hope you'll take this all seriously.
