What made you forgive his infidelity the second time?
I had 3 kids aged 10-15 and felt like I was doing it for them and me. I found this site and DB’d the heck out of my marriage. We actually had several good years after. But years later my kids told me they were always anxious, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m not sure I did them any favors.
Since my divorce I’ve learned my ex was a narcissist. And many things that I naively ignored I now see were probably other flirtations at least, if not outright affairs.
One example, from years before his second affair: we were casual friends with his surf buddy and his wife. One day we were invited to their house for dinner, and the husband was showing me his paintings in the garage. Days later, he calls me to inform me that while we were out there, my H made a pass at his wife.
I was in such denial! I believed everything my H told me and made up a few excuses of my own! She wasn’t his type, he was just a misunderstood overly friendly extrovert, the husband was a jealous Latin type .. OMG, so embarrassing now! Now I’m sure he DID make some pass at her. And there’s a long list of other things that I question now.
I think, once they have stepped outside the marriage once. For many cheaters, that door is always open a bit. It is always a possibility in their minds.
