You've gotten a lot of great feedback by seasoned pros over the last few days so I won't go through each line point-by-point, but here are a few high-level recommendations from me:
Stop ALL emotional interactions with STBXW.
Deal with any divorce-related communications through email, NOT verbally.
Consult with a lawyer ASAP.
DO NOT sell the house in the next two weeks. Making the best decision is better than rushing into a permanent sale based on a perception of a market.
Forget any notion of keeping a nuclear family close post-D (duplex, renting in the same building, pop-ins in the morning...etc.).
Don't agree to anything less than 50/50 time with your children. I don't know Australia law - sounds like Kind18 has a good understanding - but don't cave here unless your L advises you have no choice.
Finally...you should really go back and read your thread history to gain some perspective on your relationship. In your recent threads you're back and forth as to whether you want to move out/D vs. wanting her back. Perhaps that's LBS bias of fear, no control, and losing out.
I haven't gotten a chance to read through your entire history yet, but what stood out to me most is even at the beginning of your first thread three years ago you said she had been telling you for 4 years she was planning her exit and things were bad almost immediately in your relationship from the time you two moved in together even before you were married:
Originally Posted by Josh_T, 6/11/2019
We've been together for 10 years, married for 9. I'm 44, she's 40. Kids 8 and 5 and both highly sensitive.
Originally Posted by Josh_T, 6/11/2019
I would have been neglectful to my wife probably from the point we moved in together. And the reason was that (and this is me looking back) she was and is emotionally abusive, what I refer to as tricks.
Originally Posted by Josh_T, 6/11/2019
Yes, she has been planning her exit. She told me as such. And about 4 years ago she started to say she will after any argument. A warning sign in hindsight but she always talks in extremes so I just ignored.
So you've now been together 13 years and married for 12, but she told you explicitly many times after arguments 7 years ago she's been planning her exit. That's more than half the duration of your relationship! Plus, you state things were bad (neglect and emotional abuse) from the start.
I'm pro-marriage and think a single-family nuclear household is best for kids, but in your situation both of you would need to make significant long-lasting changes for your marriage to work.
Honest reflection on the history of your relationship may help you detach, accept, and move forward in your current situation.
