Hi Dink, You definitely need a lawyer this time around. Just reading through your sitch, I do think it’s clear you are in panic fog, and that’s ok, most are.
Your children are grown, I’m not sure telling them should be a priority. I mean you definitely need to at some point, but there are more pressing needs imo.
You need to protect your assets right now. She’s going to be all over the place for a while. What she says today has no barring on tomorrow.
You really need to drop the rope, focus on yourself. Focus on your mental and physical health. Focus on getting a life and being the best version of yourself you can be. Controlled confidence is a very attractive trait, and that peaks the interest of most people, including spouses that are pushing away. But it can’t be fake, or manipulative.
I also think you are show signs of control issues. You can’t control was she says or does, and it’s not your place too. Right here, right now, in this moment, imo, you believe you are married, the law agrees with you, but your spouse for all intent and purpose does not.
I wish you good luck. This will not be a quick fix, and if it is all of a sudden you’ll be back here before you know it. Unfortunately there are not short cuts and you will have to walk this road one way or another. You may as well walk it on your terms, not hers. And believe it or not, when you get there, when you are happy and unconcerned about her, 9 times out of 10, you’ll see her poke her head around the corner to find out why you are so happy.
