Thanks everyone. This has been hard but also a good reminder of how important it is to listen and validate our kids even when what they are saying has no merit, or at least very little, in our eyes. D14 is being absolutely over the top ridiculous in her level of upset (molehill meet mountain) BUT they are very real and valid to her so I have to accept that this is where she is at and work on repairing a relationship that I know is very strong underneath all of the teenage drama and emotions. Her drive for independence and freedom is much much stronger than mine was at her age and also stronger than her brother's. They are very different humans indeed.

One positive that has come from this...

Believe it or not... I think XH and I are on better terms than we have been in a very long time. This situation has forced us to communicate more and I have to say that I am extremely grateful for his support. He texted me yesterday that he wanted me to know he is in no way behind her sudden upset and in fact, was as shocked by it as I am. He said he felt a bit caught in the middle and I told him that he needn't feel that way as both of us are on our daughter's side...she just doesn't realize that.

In hindsight, I think one of the now moot problems in our relationship was that I had always been the leader and him the follower. At the time, I thought I was just doing everything I needed to do to look after our family and take stress away from him but I think I did it too much and he became less of a partner and more like a fourth child that I needed to manage. Was that completely my fault? No...he could have taken on more responsibility instead of letting me do it all. But then again, I could have handed some over as well. Watching him take on so much with his new wife and consistently being there for her has been difficult in some ways but also kind of nice as it tells me I wasn't completely wrong about him. It has also allowed me to trust him more when it comes to looking after our kids.

This morning he texted me "Happy Birthday" which was nice to receive but also hurtful because he rarely, if ever, remembered my birthday when we were married. Valentine's Day? Nope...probably stopped caring about that shortly after our kids were born. I think we often didn't make a big deal out of these little events because we were so preoccupied with our kids and everything that entailed but by doing that, we put our relationship last and that definitely had an impact over time. Now, with the 50/50 parenting schedule, he gets to be a dad for half the time and a doting husband the other half of the time. He is reportedly doing well at both and I can't help but be happy for him...that he feels good about who he is these days. How could I have ever loved him and not want that for him? Bittersweet feelings, to say the least.

So...had a texting conversation with VP yesterday. Told him that I really like him and he is fun to be around but that I haven't really felt too much of a romantic attraction towards him at this point. I said that I didn't really know what to do with that as I don't want to lead him on but I also don't want to prematurely close the door on something potentially great either. So I told him that I had decided to just be honest and then he could decide how much time and effort he was willing to put into a relationship that may not go anywhere romantically. I wasn't sure how my message would be received but I also know myself well enough to know that if I went out with him again without him knowing where I am at, I would feel too much pressure to feel something and wouldn't have a good time. A few minutes later he texted back that he completely understands and he is aware there hasn't been a "spark" between us but that he really likes me and I am exactly the kind of person he is attracted to. He said, for him, the barometer is how he feels after he kisses someone and that hasn't happened with us so he is reserving judgment. That was such a relief to know that. I know that I have been more standoffish than I normally would be because I am scared of giving him the wrong signals so this gives me a bit more freedom to be myself and more in the moment. Anyway... we decided we will talk again next week when I am feeling a bit better (was extremely exhausted yesterday from being at work all day and thinking about D14) and make plans for a third date.

So...that's the latest in DV land. Thanks again for all of your support and advice. It really means a lot to me to have all of you still reading my thread and offering me advice and encouragement (and a few 2x4's) when it is needed. Love and (((hugs))) to you all!!