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I think you are entering the teenager years. Daughter sounds perfectly healthy.
All my kids somewhat rebelled. Broke away from the tired and true and forged and tried their own temporary path. Teens need to know they will be alright. They purposefully, albeit unknowingly and subconsciously, will create problematic situations for themselves to overcome.
You being a strong stable Mom / parent gets blamed and pushed away. Kids need to do this. They need to stand on their own. To be held accountable. Yes, accountable, as odd that may seem. To have consequences for their actions and to make reparations and know they will be alright. To know mistakes are all right. And it super hard for a parent to step back and let them. Of course, we don’t let disastrous events befall them.
It’s difficult for both parent and child as they grow and see us as just people. For their entire life, we parents knew everything, were all powerful, and could do anything. The slowly unveiled reality that we aren’t is difficult for them to accept, and difficult for us to loose such veneration.
Alas, a necessary step. In time, they grow and mature, and emotionally and intellectually we see more eye to eye. Physically eye to eye occurs far sooner.
My path, such as it is, was as it was before. I loved them. I encouraged positive and ignored negative. Admonished when and where necessary. The tough part about being a parent is being the parent and not worrying about being their friend. Especially when they are needing accountability. I think we do a disservice to our kids if we do else-wise.
This is not punishing them. It’s holding your boundaries and enforcement of them. We are the role model, and kids need to know we have rock solid beliefs and values (and boy will they test them) and that they can have them as well. Consequences for actions. Disrespectful behaviour towards me all day, and then you want me to drive you to the mall. It’s ok for them to miss out on a few things. In fact, as weird as it is, they actually create the events to do so.
The situation does get much better. Kids reach 18-22 ish and become someone else. Become. It’s quite amazing to see. A bit sad to let go the grown child who can stand quite well on their own. And it’s with much pride you hug the adult.
Anyhow, just my view.
And you are doing a fine job DV. Just knocked off balance a bit is all. Pretty sudden when teens explode upon the scene.
