I am sorry to 'meet' you in this space, but I am happy you found these boards. I am about 18 months ahead of you and your posts mirror my early ones in so many ways: BFF H, loving relationship that others admired, a lifestyle that both seemed to enjoy, thinking things were fine and then the whole house of cards crashing down with the knowledge of another woman. The only difference is that I have four young children in the mix.
When my situation first came to light, I felt like I was going to die from the pain. My loving, kind H turned into a monster. The abuse and meanness was horrific. And all the while I had to try and pull it together to raise a pack of confused and sad kids who were home all the time due to the pandemic. I haven't updated on my own thread in quite a while, but I can tell you that who I am today is a completely different person than that shell of a woman I was a year ago. I do not cry about it anymore (usually only triggered by something the children say), I have been able to listen to my STBX tell people about his girlfriend without losing my mind and for the most part everything he says and does that triggers me rolls off my back. It only takes me 5 minutes to recover versus 5 days (5 weeks at one point!).
You are doing so many things 'right' at the moment: communing with friends and family that love and support you, taking each minute/hour/day at a time, feeling all the feelings with no self-judgement and seeking outside support and validation such as these boards. You are not alone, though your circumstances can feel so, so isolating.
I didn't succeed in saving my marriage. And when I was in your position, I didn't want to read about anyone who didn't succeed. But I can tell you that I was so much like you and I survived and might (...just might, jury's still out) actually be thriving again.
Hugs to you and I am adding myself to the list of people rooting for your continued health.
