Were you a virgin when you met her? Was she your first long-term girlfriend?

Originally Posted by Joshua
She was also much more flirty, showed sexual interest, and I thought we were on the same page. almost immediately, she was completely disinterested and said a lot of emasculating things which made me feel rejected and unloved.

I personally believe she had hang ups because she didn't want to get pregnant (didn't want kids).

she made me feel guilty for asking her to meet my needs.
Joshua, regarding sexual interest. First, you say she didn't communicate (stonewalled). Them, you say she did communicate (comments that emasculated you, comments that made you feel guilty, you suspected not wanting to get pregnant was a problem). have a thought experiment for you. If your wife were being given a voice, writing to explain why she lost interest in sex, what would she say? Start with the emasculating, guilting, not-wanting-pregnancy comments you mentioned. Include what she said in 4mo of IC. Being able to understand her perspective and your faults would help if you were to resume or seek another relationship. Communication involves listening.

You said you had trouble finding an affordable IC. How about your MC? You already know them, you already paid for them for 4mo (affordable), and they heard her perspective firsthand.

Originally Posted by Joshua
She couldn't see through her own wants and needs to compromise with me to meet my own needs.
That applies to both of you, no? In MC, I recall "If you loved me you'd do X for me." was sometimes met with "If you loved me you'd accept me not doing X." There's a limit to how far either partner can bend without building up resentment. I'd hope the vast majority of sex in any marriage is because both people desire it, not transactional (icky!) to meet the others' needs.