If a specific post was interesting or useful to you, we recommend that you Like that post. It tells the post author, and others, that you found the information valuable. Clicking Like is another way to let others know that you enjoy it without leaving a comment.
Log in to join the conversation and Like this content.
You are right. Being almost finished with "Love Must Be Tough", I was way too passive and allowed her to walk all over me.
Yeah it's kinda feeling like you're cherry picking info here. Women lose respect for their husbands over resentment. If you weren't cheated on out of the gate, the likelihood that you were "walked all over" the whole relationship (which seems to be a total of 3 years) is slim to none. On top of that, you guys were together such a short period of time the amount of resentment that needs to build up to create the kind of complete disregard and disrespect needed doesn't fit. Your WAW is much younger than almost every WAW here. You lived together for next to no time. You have no kids. No shared assets. And currently the way you're framing things you're making it seem like you sacrificed a ton for an emotionally immature, child bride who treated you like crap, unfortunately I'm really struggling to believe that's what really happen in your marriage. And I don't know that I'm the only one.
Most LBS go through phases. First phase is usually everything is my fault. Next is everything is their fault. Followed by even if some of it was my fault what they did was way worse so it's still their fault. Then it eventually, after a lot of time and work they reach, we both did some really detrimental things to our marriage, and even though this isn't what I wanted OR how I wanted it it's probably for the best.
Being here for a few years now I see a lot of LBHs get stuck at everything is the WW/WAWs fault, or some of it was my fault but what WW/WAW did was worse so this is still all their fault. It seems, like you either skipped over it's my fault and went straight to it's her fault or are getting stuck some where in one of these phases. k.
I'm also getting very tripped up with the status of your MR right now. It's such an anomalous MR here, I don't even know where to direct you. But not in the way you think. We get a lot of LBHs who think they've done no wrong. We get a lot of WAWs who are practically allergic to change. We even get MRs where the spouse have been separated for quite some time. Even ones that have spouses living in different countries while the MR is falling apart. What we don't get a lot of is a person who is trying to save the MR when it's been more than year since the WAS has moved out, the WAS isn't speaking to the LBS willingly, and the spouses have absolutely no reason to speak to each other. Almost every person we get has daily/weekly/monthly contact with their WAS depending on their situations. They have something that keeps them tied together other than the legally binding paperwork. Kids, money, businesses, property. Something. But you guys don't, and because of that I'm really struggling with what it is you plan on saving here, and why you think you have a chance of saving it. Maybe you can do some more clarifying for me.
On one hand you say she's your best friend, on the other you say she walks all over you. While two things can be true these two things can't be. Some one who is your best friend doesn't walk all over you. Why would you want to be married to a person who walks all over you? Why would you want to be best friends with someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind?
You cited religious reason for wanting to make things work, but I didn't see a thing about you loving her. You do however say you don't think she ever really loved you. Other than religious obligation why are you hanging on like this?
As far as I can tell she has zero interest in seeing you, speaking to you, and you have no means for which to communicate at regular intervals over neutral topics with each other, what we like to call business, because there is none. She's moved out, moved on, and all but filed for divorce. Correct? Do you guys still go to the same church or something? Do you work together? Have the same favorite lunch spot? How and when do you see each other? What reasons would you have to speak with one another outside of divorce proceedings at this point?
And just to be clear I'm not saying you don't have a snowball's chance in h3ll here. There's always a chance. Humans are weird unpredictable creatures who love the comfort of the familiar. There is always a chance. I've no agenda one way or the other. I am however, desperately trying to understand what it is that we can do to help in your sitch. So if you can articulate it why are you truly trying to save a MR that has been effectively over for more than a year at this point? Why do you want to be married to a person you think is a pretty crummy person as a whole? What steps have to taking to actively detach, GAL and 180 the most basic tenets of DBing? How long to you plan to stand for this MR? Why are you standing for this MR? What would it take for you to be the first to file for D? And what is it that we here on this board can do to support your journey?
